I was recently chatting with a good friend of mine, and we reached the conclusion that nowadays people expect to meet someone, and automatically be happy as in those beautiful and colourful story boards many couples are sharing on Instagram. You meet him or her, there is a spark in the eyes, your hearts are beating heart at the same time, you feel in love and you stay in love ever after. It seems that's the only definition of love and relationships easily accepted and it is not working, it is not love.
A very simplistic way to see relationships, but which also explains why so many people nowadays prefer to stay single, keep browsing dating apps over and over again, years after years, hoping to see that spark in the eyes of someone whose picture was heavily photoshopped. After all, it is so easy to refuse the chance of a new start when you assume there will always be enough people hanging around online. Plus, when you have a heavy luggage of past relationships, staying around as much as you can because afraid of starting anew and eventually being hurt again is a more comfortable safe option.
I think everyone has his or her own way to react to heartbreak and heartache. Often, it is better to get better and clear with the past stories before starting a new one. Some can easily start again, some need time. Some will maybe never be the same after a serious break.
However, regardless of your choice, a relationship is not gonna work by itself, from the day 1 or not even from the day 1,000. If two people really want to be together, there is a lot of effort on both sides to overcome adversities, difficulties, different histories and cultural backgrounds. And even if things are really easy and there is not a complicated past between the two, assuming that things will come along well without too much effort is a lie.
Probably, for people in their early 20s, things are smoothly. You can trust easier, you have an open heart to share and you can really find love easier. But once you are going straight to your late 30s, things are becoming complicated because your life experience is different and it is good to be so. All you need, is to build the realistic expectations based on communication and the common interest of being together.
Personally, I think that regardless how much you are into a person and want to be together, every single step towards being fully part of a relationshio is terribly hard. Very hard, particularly if you are a very analytical person, always careful to details and observations and simple facts. Feelings are confusing, the mind is always prone to make projections and overthink, ending up being scared by the next step.
Of course, easy is to say 'good bye' and give up because, who knows, maybe this relationship too will leave you heartbroken or it is just a new version of your old failed relationships. After all, isn't it easy to be alone, enjoy your own comfort and swipe right or left your dating apps. Or not thinking at all about relationships.
However, how rewarding it is - at least for some - the experience of getting to know another person. The beauty of sharing and caring about someone else. The goosebumps of seeing an answer for spending time together.
It should not work out with everyone, but give a chance when it is worth it, while trying to understand that all the good things in life need work, a lot of work, and so are the relationships.
When things are going hard and both of you are going through hard times, asking the help of a couple therapist might give both of you a new chance. Giving up is the easiest thing, but when you feel and know that this relationship is worth, don't leave it until all chances were played. A family therapist can help tremendously to build up trust and find the right ways to communicate, especially when people do have different cultural backgrounds and personal and emotional experiences. It will not gonna work out instantly, but when there is a will and you want to be together with the other person, stop fighting and shouting to each other and rather go together to an expert that can help you find peace. Relationships are a long and complicated journey, but how beautiful is to share your journey with someone you love and you know there is no one better than him or her.
Love with someone is much more rewarding than being on your own. But be sure that you think and evaluate and fight for your relationship as much as you can. Couple therapy can save your future.