Why You May Consider a Family Photo Shooting Session

The entrance of my photo studio

A couple of weeks ago, I won a free family photo shooting at a newly opened studio in my neighbourhood and besides the happy feeling of getting a present I openly accepted, I decided to give more than a thought to such an event.

I am personally very camera shy and I rarely have pictures of myself. I went all over the world and I can hardly have any single picture of me in the front of a famous world wonder. With my kids, except one or two selfies, I am usually the one who is always taking the pictures, therefore, we have only a few precious memories of all of us in the same photo. And it is a big pitty, as having those pictures together is part of the common memories we build about us as a family, from a very early age. Therefore, at least one family photo once the year or every two years is very inspired idea, especially if you are looking for some professional inspiration. Isn't it so moving after years to look how all of you changed, developing from small crawling babies to handsome responsible adults?

However, such an adventure might come with costs. For a basic photo shooting that lasts around 30 minutes, the printing of the photos and other additional editing, plus the make-up and other specific arrangements can get you an invoice of around 300 EUR. The costs increase if you want the photographer to come to your home or for a special event - like anniversary. 

In order to avoid the costs, one can consider asking the neighbour with the camera to do it, but free doesn't mean that you will be offered high-end results. An experienced photographer knows how to create the best angle and catch the right expression of all of you and also will use the best quality paper to print your photos.  

All you need is to relax, look your best and gather more and more beautiful memories with your family. It is worth any single euro.

Parenting advice for the responsible parent

Like it or not, we as adults, are what our parents and grandparents made of us The person we are now is the result of historical parenting patterns transmitted or slightly altered, from one generation to the other. The good news is that we can change it and detach ourselves from the generational matrix. The bad news is that we need a lot of time and effort and very often the help of a therapist.
     Your Living Legacy is not a self-help book, but a guided tour of discovering yourself as a parent. It may happen that you will discover something radically different from what you expected. Based on over two decades of practice, it offers a rare mix for this kind of book-- of theoretical framework and practical checking, examples and exercises.  

     My experience with parenting books is that you either have one or the other, but maybe I am not literate in this domain yet. It also has the right balance of using simple wording for describing sophisticated parenting situations, which is another asset of the book, the author stays away from the temptation to show off high skills in juggling with complicated scientific terminology.

     Based on her clinical practice, the cases revolve around the mother-daughter relationship, which limits the perspective to a certain extent. It simplifies the discussion, but on the other hand eliminates the cases when the father is also an active parenting actor with a definitive role in the education process.

     Instead of focusing on the child as the main parenting problem, the author took into consideration 'what the parent is doing that might create or contribute to the problem'. A logical approach, as most of the child’s problems originate within the family. Further on, the choice of the parenting style is highly influenced by 'how you were raised as a child'.

     The dynamic of the relationship between mother and daughter is very complex and the merit of the author is to focus briefly on the most important interactions and potential sources of conflicts. For instance, “ rebellion” can also be a plea to get the parent to set stronger limits'. These issues are analyzed in the smallest detail through an extensive list of 20 parenting styles, defined generally as 'patterns of behavior that are your typical ways of interacting with your child, especially when you are under stress'. The questionnaire at the end of each description helps you find your own parenting style and gives short suggestions about how to go beyond the negative patterns.

     The sooner the problems are identified the better, as there is always the possibility to change the pattern and save the relationship with your child. Through communication, listening and learning from your child, besides seeking advice from a professional therapist, things can be changed for the good, and the mistakes used as a ladder to growth.

      It is a book that raises awareness and challenges you to ask questions -- it is never too late to start reading.

Rating: Four out of five stars

Disclaimer: The publisher offered my the book via NetGalley.com, but the opinions are, as usual, my own.

First month with the baby

This year was very scarce in terms of blogging, but there was a motivation: the nine months of pregnancy, two new jobs and since one month, the baby boy that gave us a lot of work and to-do-list and many sleepless nights. But watching him growing up and becoming a new little person every day gives me strength and happiness that sometimes can be even stronger than my love for words.

Anyway, now that a certain routine is set up - meaning a lot of practice in terms of waking up fast in the night and finishing everything - the preparation of milk and diapers changing - in just a matter of minutes, there is also time for reflection and a lot of writing. Although busy, I was able to keep reading and kept a certain list of topics I want to cover in the next days, if the baby will agree.

A couple of advices

As for now, my first lessons learned of the first month as a baby boy mother:

- Once the baby is born, forget about everything you used to do before: sleep especially and going out. Even when you have a supportive partner or husband on your side, doing things together is much better than hoping than the other part will do it while you are away enjoying some special private time. All your hobbies and little secret pleasures do not make time at all and this is the way to be. The baby is the most important part of your lives now.

Ask an expert

- You never know enough about how to deal with the baby problems and checking with the specialists - doctors and midwife - as well as with experienced relatives and friends is very important for your peace of mind and well being of your child. From the reasons the baby is crying till how to make bath, there are thousands of reasons to ask support and help. Do not hesitate to do it! Getting books and reading online about baby development, preferably together with your partner or husband is also very important! The best is to keep reading about the current stage of development and do not get too much deep into the children life. Wait and see and keep the notes and the information for later. Your time is limited and you need to have the mind fresh for the new challenges. 

In our case, one of the problems we had to deal witlh wasl how to correctly bind the diapers, after we realized a couple of times in a row that the boy was wet - and very unhappy about this! We kept practising and practising and now we are finally able to make it even with the eyes closed...

Be together!

- After the woman gives birth there are a lot of changes and transformations taking place -as it was not enough what happens during the nine months of pregnancy! - and coping with the challenges of the new baby may not be easy. As long as you are not alone and your partner supports you and the baby, you can get along better and try to get adjusted to the new life. Expect some fights and misunderstandings and hard hours but as long as you keep talking and there is love and understanding everything will go smoothly. Once in a while, leave the other part some space and time and try to spend at least 30 minutes differently. You will get very refreshed and ready for the new challenges. 

As for the sleep deprivation, a chronical symptom for the new parents, the best is to try to sleep when the baby is sleeping. 

Simple is (always better)

- I left the hospital with a lot of packages of wet napkins and creams and other cosmetics. I used them intensively in the first weeks till I suddenly realized some red skin spots and irritation in the sensitive parts of the body. The cause? The Pampers napkins that had some alcohol and other substances harmful for the new born skin. What about some warm water and usual napkins to clean him? With this recipe plus some plant based cream his skin got better and the guily napkins are now used for cleaning the dust from the furniture. 

For the evening massage, we use a pharmacy formula of almond oil very helpful for the skin regeneration in the first weeks of life. In the case of the laundry, we found some bio-, non-perfumed ingredients. 

Bath is very important

- In the hospital, they told me to do the bath maybe a bit later in the month but common sense and practise of people with experience adviced me to do something else. The hard part is to know how to do it and for that you need someone to show it to you! Otherwise, besides the obvious cleanliness reasons, a bath before the sleep helps the baby to have a longer night and to relax.

Never too early to start with habits

- As we, adults, the babies need an organise life. Try to set up rituals in the evening - bath for instance - always at the same time - between 19.00 and 20.00 is the best before the baby can have a long sleep till midnight at least. Also, in the morning, spend at least 20 minutes with some basic face cleaning and changing to daily outfits. You may think the baby is too small to realize this, but it is part of a daily routine that you will respect if from now on. 

Also, it is important to make the difference between day and night, by creating the dark ambiance in the room. A small lamp kept open during the night and avoiding the switch on the big light is also part of the first weeks ritual. 

Always in contact with the baby

At this stage in life, when the baby does not see and hear good, the touching is the only way to create a special contact with the baby. Either if you touch his face during eating or you have some private moments before sleep or, as in my case, use any opportunity to touch and kiss as much as possible. 

A mistake to avoid though is to end up staying with the baby in the arms every time he is sleeping. The remedy to this was to bring the car chair in the room you are staying and keep the discrete company to the baby, but without turning into a slave. As much as the kid needs your love and attention it also needs to be independent and this is the lesson to keep in mind as early as possible. 

This is all for now. As the kid entered the month 2 of life, we are already prepared for new lessons and a new blog post in a couple of weeks. 

5 Tips to Babysit Successfully Difficult Children

I am not a professional babysitter and the only occasions when  am doing it is for free, for helping friends and relatives to go through their busy days with the little ones. From time to time I was faced with some difficult situations that made me think a little bit more about what can I do the next time in order to be more successful. 

After a couple of experiences of this kind, with many ups and downs, I set up a short list of 5 tips that I wish I knew it before.

1. Have a plan 

Regardless how spontaneous the invitation to babysit was addressed, take your time to prepare a couple of activities that you would like to do with the little one(s). It could be a walk in the park, followed by checking the homeworks, maybe a little walk by bike and some games. If your task is limited - such as taking the kid to and from a hobby class, it is easier but still, there can be a couple of challenges especially if you are dealing with children that are not used with your presence or not necessarily keen to see you.

2. Be patient

It doesn't matter what it happens, please be patient. Never forget that you are the adult and you should offer a sample of authority. Children are difficult for various reasons: separate parents, parents too busy to share their attention, lack of adaptation in the classroom, various health challenges. When they react in a violent way they don't necessarily have something against you as a person, but they are trying to get rid of all the tensions accumulated. As they often might feel deterred by the familiar presence of a relative, you, the outsider can be the perfect victim of their frustration. Wait till the storm is gone and never lose your temper.

3. Don't take sides

When you have to babysit kids closed in age, expect some little fights as well. If yourself grew up alone or without siblings with 2 or three ages younger or older, you might be surprised even shocked. But this is life and those fights are part of the usual competition and establishment of status. When they are fighting, your role is to be careful that they don't harm, but never try to lecture them when they are in the middle of the boxing. Wait till they calm down and try to bring them together with a game or a play. You will be surprised how easily they are playing together as nothing happened.

4. Play! Play! Play!

Children are playing, isn't it? Get into their games and keep them as much as possible busy in the world of creativity. Find out from the parents what are their favourite games and what they love to do. Try to keep talking with them while letting them speak their mind. If the weather is fine, bring them in the park or do some activities outside. If they are very active, they will use their energies for some activities that soon will bring them a very good sleep.

5. Watch a movie together

I am not a fan of TV at home, but we know how to properly use the Internet for the choice of our programs and movies to watch. Check if the movie you are about to watch is appropriate from the point of view of the language and ask the parents if they agree with your initiative, and get ready. With or without popcorn, the movie - or cartoon - can keep the children busy. Be sure that the movie is not too long, as they might get bored. 

All being said, good luck! And remember, difficult children are not because they want to, but this is how they react to hostile and complicated environment. Try to avoid being critical and rather focus on how you can help them to get better.